Wellbeing coaching isn’t simply about getting better at looking after yourself. It’s about understanding what is getting in the way of feeling well, and developing a relationship with yourself that makes genuine wellbeing possible.
It was about 2017 when I understood I needed help with my wellbeing.
I was sat in the office at work, in my nice job, with my good colleagues, with my car parked outside, ready to drive me home to my lovely partner at the end of the day.
Can you believe it? I felt awful. The outside of my life was a picture of ‘success’, but the inside of me felt overwhelmed, loud, confused and ready to explode.
How could I have all the things in life that I thought I wanted, and feel like if one more person said my name, I would bite their head off? My strings were strung so tightly and felt so far out of tune, it was becoming unbearable.
After some google searches around what was happening, I found an online quiz about wellbeing, I scored low!
It took me on to learn about the 5 ways of wellbeing (connection, being active, learning, noticing and helping others). Turns out, so much of my energy was going into work, that I was acutely stressed and burnt out, without being able to recognise it. Let alone having capacity for any of the things in life that make you feel well.
At the time, my sleep was chronically poor, my nutrition was lacking greatly and overall, I wasn’t taking any time for myself. I was the definition of pouring from an empty cup. If this resonates with you, it probably won’t come as a surprise that I’d assumed it was all because I wasn’t working hard enough.
I mean, you know you’re being wild towards your wellbeing when the doctor suggests you might be stressed due to chronic headaches and you shaking your head as fast as you can and saying, “No, I’m not stressed, I’m fine, it can’t be that.”
Looking back now, I have so much love and compassion for this version of myself. To the glorious version of me who believed she needed to follow the social script, work super hard, and achieve, at all costs. She had no idea how to listen to herself and identify her needs, let alone meet them.
It was on one of those days in the office, I found the website of a wellbeing coach and reached out for help. Of course, I figured if I could just sort out my sleep, nutrition, activity levels, connection, learn something new, be more mindful, and keep helping others, then I’d be feeling better in no time.
What I didn’t realise is that there was so much more depth to me, than I had ever realised. So many layers to peel back. A whole new world of myself to discover. On the other side of beginning work with a coach, I can safely say, it’s the best move I ever took.
It turns out that wellbeing, at least for me, isn’t just a collection of behaviours to complete.
So, what is wellbeing coaching?
There are as many ways to be a wellbeing coach, as there are wellbeing coaches.
And I think it feels fair to say, if you’re looking for support online, it really can feel a bit like the wild west. Particularly if you’re already struggling, trawling through so many options feels relentless. This was certainly my experience of it.
Everyone will have their own approach to supporting you to improve your wellbeing. So the main thing I would say, is to find a practitioner who you feel you have a connection with.
A wellbeing coach is someone who wants to support you to feel better within yourself. How they go about this, will depend on their training, their lived experience and of course, on the client.
For me, wellbeing coaching, or as I choose to call it, therapeutic coaching, is about you feeling better. Of course, what ‘better’ looks like, will entirely depend on how you define that. There are so many factors that will play into this, and an equal number of facets of you.
The way I begin with clients on their wellbeing journey, is to first understand the current situation. All clients complete an intake pack, asking them some self-reflection questions, such as “how do you tend to feel about yourself?” and “What are the main inner challenges that tend to come up for you, in life, in business or work, in relationship? (e.g. self-doubt, fear of being visible, not feeling good enough, fear of success/ fear of failure?)”
Alongside this set of questions, I ask clients to complete a wheel of life to give a snapshot of how things are going in important areas of their life. They may choose things like mental health, physical health, sleep, relationships, career, wealth, family, fun, adventure – whatever they believe to be important to them right now.
During the first session, it is an opportunity to speak through what came up from completing this self-reflection. As a coach, my role is to listen to what is being said, to reflect any patterns that are appearing and to ask the questions to help you go deeper.
That is the springboard for our work, which evolves organically from session to session, depending on the client. The women I work with have a deep sense that something isn’t right for them. They already know that they’ve spent a lifetime of people pleasing which has finally become too exhausting to sustain. They already know that they’ve been trying to fit into a world not set up for them in one way or another. They already know they have these dreams inside that they feel terrified to let out into the world. Somewhere, within, they know this. Being able to articulate it, say it out loud and meet it, is when the work of change can begin.
So, what happens after the first session?
Now that much, I cannot tell you. This will depend entirely on the client and what we spoke about during the initial intake session. It could look like a lot of different things. Every single woman I work with has a unique journey because I am working with you as an individual. There is no one size fits all model or way of doing things. I work with your heart, your mind, with all of you, or as much of yourself as you choose to bring to the session. I am here to make all parts of you welcome and journey with you in the way that is the most aligned.
And I want to say something here, because I know that reading a list like the one below can sound like a lot. I remember when I first worked with a coach, the idea of being vulnerable with someone felt absolutely vile to me. I didn’t want to dig into myself. I didn’t want to talk about my feelings. I certainly didn’t want someone asking me what I really needed! I couldn’t even admit stress to my GP.
So, if you’re reading this and thinking absolutely not, I get it.
You don’t have to arrive at coaching knowing how to be vulnerable, open or introspective. You don’t have to be ready to talk about everything. You don’t even have to know what you need. It can all feel like a tangled knot (helping people untie knots is kind of my sweet spot!)
We start where you are, and you get to decide what you bring into the room. My job isn’t to force you into uncomfortable places before you’re ready. It’s to create enough safety and trust that, if and when you’re ready to explore something, you don’t have to do it alone.
In sessions with me, it might look like:
- drawing out some of your current beliefs about yourself
- working with self-compassion
- learning a self-soothing practice
- setting a goal and creating a plan to get there
- connecting with your motivations
- considering the benefits of change
- finding alternative solutions
- challenging unhelpful belief systems
- holding space for different parts of you
- body scanning and identifying feelings
- understanding what your needs are
- inner child work
- sitting together with uncomfortable feelings to let them know they’re welcome
- envisioning the future
- honouring the past
- reflecting on progress
This list could get kind of endless, so I’ll stop there, but you get the idea – What happens during a session is dependent on what you need and it is my job as a therapeutic coach to work effectively with the beautiful human sitting on the other side of the screen.
Is this how all wellbeing coaches work?
No, I doubt it very much!
I have worked with a few coaches all at different stages of life, and they all worked completely differently, but all perfectly for where I was at during that season in my life.
Some wellbeing coaches might take a more clinical and methodical approach to wellbeing. Some may focus on one specific aspect of wellbeing in their practice, such as sleep or perimenopause or mindfulness, as examples. Others may have a structured programme you can enter. Sometimes, the most difficult part can be choosing who to work with that suits your needs right now.
Most wellbeing coaches do offer free discovery calls so you can ask any questions and see if they’re a good fit for you. I’d be happy to chat!
